I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
...so i touched it.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
