I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
