you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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