I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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