someone threw a dead crab at me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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