Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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