I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
