I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
