Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
