The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
