I am in a vortex of obligation.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
