Don't make out with my wife yet
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
