she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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