I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
