Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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