just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
