The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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