You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
