On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
True college students do jello shots in the library
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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