weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
