ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
