do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize