I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
