shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
