i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize