I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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