your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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