I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
