Banned from zoo.
Again?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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