i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
