so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
