she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
