Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
