Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
