I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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