Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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