I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
