he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
