Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
