I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
