my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
