i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
