just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
