When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
