why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I booty called her while she was in labor.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
