just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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