if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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