Please, let me fuck your mom
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
