You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
