i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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