Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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