I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
