I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
