I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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