Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
