Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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