trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
