When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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