WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
