Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
