Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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