If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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