pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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