WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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