You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
