I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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