I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He passed out mid-signature
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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