I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize
