dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize
