I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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