Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
