just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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