Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
