google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
