I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize