He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
