dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
