Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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