Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
