So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
