maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
