All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
