my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
