just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Alive.
So much puke
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize