i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
