What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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