Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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