before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
