My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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