I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
