i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You took a bar mat shot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
