You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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