Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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