people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
