I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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