I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
