I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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