unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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