yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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