If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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