garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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