I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
