just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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