You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize