Welp...herpes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he was CRYING into my vagina
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
