I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
