is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
tell me about the fingering
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize