the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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