So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
