I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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